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Crashing

March 29, 2010

Today, I am facing the cataclysms that I never faced as a young child. Explosions are everywhere. There is a war going on within. By facing the destruction, I prevent unnecessary future eruptions and harmful projections upon innocent bystanders. It is not easy. I feel all alone and destitute but this is what I felt at the age of 5 when I actually contemplated not moving with my family away from the house where I had been raped. I really think that, somewhere, I didn’t want to go and it was a good hunch. How could I not have moved? There was no one else to care for me. What would have happened if I had listened to my inner guidance system at that tender age? What’s going to happen now that I am listening?

Right now, I am alone, out of work, living out of my car, and thinking about giving my beloved cat, Abby, away. My kids are so upset with me. How could this have happened? How can I learn to prevent future calamities from occurring? When will I learn healthy self-care? How do I connect with others during this difficult transition? To be continued…

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